Ask Captain Tunnel

Captain Tunnel is a local superhero specializing in advice on Highway 1 Tunnel matters. She has been spotted carrying a large "Bypass my Ass" sign at various coastside locations.

In this rare photo, she is seen greeting adoring fans at Devil's Slide. If you would like to see the captain in person, you can do so at the upcoming YES on T campaign activities.

If you have questions for Captain Tunnel she can be reached via email at [email protected].

Photo by James Marsh

Dear Captain Tunnel: I just loved that guy named Greg Bayol from Caltrans. Is he available?

A: No one has heard from Mr. Bayol since he stated that Caltrans would study a tunnel and find it was too expensive. As a matter of fact, Caltrans has said almost nothing since then. We suspect that Mr. Bayol may have retired and is now living a sedate life near the junction of several major freeways.

Dear Captain Tunnel: My boyfriend has this fixation about wanting to build freeways everywhere he goes. It's embarrasing to take him out in public. What can I do to break him of this unseemly behavior?

A: I know it may sound brutal but you've got to do this for his own good. Take him to the former home of the Cypress structure in the East Bay. This is the junction of Highways 580, 880, 80 and 24. Make him drive through this area at least twice a day for a period of 30 days. We guarantee that after 30 days of this, he'll be cured.

Dear Captain Tunnel: I have these recurring nightmares about being on a bridge during an earthquake. The bridge is falling apart beneath me. I wake in a cold sweat. Can you help me?

A: Before going to sleep each night, THINK TUNNEL! During the Loma Prieta earthquake all of the tunnels in the Bay Area were just fine (unlike the Bay Bridge and the Cypress overpass structure). Keep thinking tunnel until Nov. 5, 1996 and then VOTE TUNNEL. After that, the nightmares should fade into obscurity.

Dear Captain Tunnel: I've always voted Pro-Choice. Will a Yes vote on Measure T take away my choice?

A: Oh my dear, you are confused! Under the current system the voters have no choice ­ only the Board of Supervisors and Caltrans decide what road will be built along Highway 1. Measure T finally gives the voters a choice. A Yes vote on Measure T is a vote for choice.

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